Threat Levels in Europe

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE: 

BY JOHN CLEESE 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. 

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." 

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. 

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and "The Barbie is cancelled" So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. 

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC." 

a Bit Confused Today? Me Too!... and where are the good guys?

Downright fascinated (again) by this morning's financial market activity....first thing (starting at 3am) the feeds and alerts all looked about like this: "Stocks (will) open(ed) lower Thursday after a surprise jump in jobless claims, a disappointing signal on the employment front ahead of Friday's jobs report. But Cisco shares rose. The networking-gear maker beat earnings expectations and CEO John Chambers said on CNBC this morning that business spending is "way up." www.cnbc.com/id/35234593.

It seems we really can't trust the job numbers that come out as the follow-up from CNBC looked like this: "Correction: Jobless Claims Unexpectedly Rose Last Week Up 8,000 to 480,000; Survey expected Down 10,000 "..is the unemployment number 20%? Is there recovery or is Chambers really just being John with the good word?

The market moves on these"numbers" (of course)and then we find out the market responded to incorrect numbers and all I can think is "give me a break"... maybe time to take a walk... the conspiracy crowd is right after-all. My old partner Dan used to say (he was an investment partner), "of course it's corrupt, but we are making money. No excuses". Well we did for a bit and then?... was that ugly? Yup.

and next? well BofA is having a few more problems: "the Securities and Exchange Commission filed a motion Thursday seeking court approval of a proposed settlement where Bank of America will pay $150 million to settle SEC charges that the company failed to properly disclose employee bonuses and financial losses at Merrill Lynch before shareholders approved the merger of the companies in December 2008." www.cnbc.com/id/35237218

..my answer to this? Go find a friend and take a walk. If the friend is a wonderful Dog you better put him on a lease it seems... maybe embrace humanity, pick up some litter, try some graceful behavior ("may I please" instead of "gimme" at lunch).. what we do really does matter. jazzmonk.blogspot.com/2010/01/..

...and then get one of these: www.mnn.com/the-home/building-... "One part garden shed, one part eco-clubhouse and one part home office, the Archipod gives work-at-homers a chance to step out of the house ... and into the backyard.".. a place to meditate. We all need some Peace.

..Oh and btw: we still need healthcare reform!